He isn’t that fast according to Middle England’s favourite rag

The big news from the Olympics this weekend was that hotly-tipped Tyson Homosexual didn’t even make the 100m final and the appropriately-named Usain Bolt had to slow down in the last 10 metres of the big race through fear that his velocity would rip a hole in the space-time continuum, dooming us all.

The Daily Mail took a break from telling us how The Dark Knight will spark the downfall of civilisation to report on Bolt’s world record 9.69sec time, but they got a little muddled with the numbers. As our hombres at Machochip correctly assert, their headline would put his spectacular achievement outside of Carl Lewis’ 9.92sec record from Barcelona 1992.

Spoiler Bonus: Check out Bolt’s ourageously cocky world record after the jump, provided that the spoilsports at YouTube haven’t taken it down for the billionth time…

Here’s an Olympic snippet from our friends at Popbitch…

The American Family Association is a pressure group which polices the entertainment industry about anything they think disses “traditional family values”.

One of its bugbears is the appropriation of the word “gay” by gays. So the AFA website has a policy of always replacing the word “gay” with homosexual.

Recently the AFA website had a piece about the  Olympics, more specifically 100m star Tyson Gay. Its auto-correct function got to work:

“Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has… “It means a lot to me,” the 25-year-old Homosexual said. “I’m  glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me.”

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