This man stands between you and the goal…

The big UEFA Cup news is that Everton have drawn Standard Liege in the first round. That’s one tough draw. All made slightly less terrifying by the emergence of some pictures of the Belgian team’s enormous centre back, Oguchialu Jacob Onyewu - otherwise known as Gooch - and his lady friend, draping themselves around the house. Everton will, of course, respond to these taunts by sending over pictures of Yobo and Jagielka flower arranging at a church fair, or Lescott whispering secrets to a kitten.

For another take on things, head over to Kickette.

Another worrying picture after the jump…

Regular training grounds don’t cut the mustard in Deutschland

If Harry Redknapp is looking for a way to keep Jermain Defoe from being distracted by temptations of the flesh, he need not seek help from the Germans. After leading VfL Wolfsburg to fifth place in the Bundesliga and a UEFA Cup spot last season, coach Felix Magath has led his squad straight to a nudist colony on the Baltic island of Usedom. “I wanted to give the training sessions some new attractions,” he told German newspaper Bild as he watched his men perform drills in front of the wrinkly and the shameless.

Not wanting to be outdone by the Wolves, newly promoted Borussia Mönchengladbach have also started training in front of nude folk in Bad Lippspringe, in order to prepare for their ‘relegation fight’, as Bild so negatively puts it. Coach Jos Luhukay insists his side aren’t bothered by the choice of training location, yet Gladbach striker Rob Friend has clearly been paying attention to the scenery:

“There weren’t any models, they were mainly grandmas and grandpas. We’ll keep an eye on it.”

[Bild]

Frugal supporters choose least efficient mode of transport possible

When facing community service for the Kung Fu assault of a cocky Crystal Palace fan, Manchester Utd legend Eric Cantona philosophically told the press: “when the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea”.

Taking inspiration from the zany Frenchman’s words, a group of fans from down the road at Eastlands have decided to hire a fishing trawler to reach the Faroe Islands for tomorrow’s crunch UEFA Cup tie with EB/Streymur:

The boat - which cost the fans £285 each - left the UK yesterday and will get to Torshavn tomorrow - just in time to see City and their new manager Mark Hughes take on EB/Streymur.

Organiser Leighton Gobbett, 27, said: “This should be the funniest trip ever to a football match.”

Another fan said: “We must be the first supporters to use a fishing trawler. Let’s hope City stick a few in the net.”

Twelve fans will be travelling for three days each way, covering a distance which is roughly the equivalent of London to Munich, just to take in the 90 minute match.

Of course, if they had worked the six travelling days instead, they probably could have afforded something a little more comfortable…

Spoiler bonus: Two weeks ago, we showed you EB/Streymur’s picturesque 1,000 capacity stadium.

Glamour tie against Faroe Islands side encounters problems

Yesterday we told you how Manchester City’s forthcoming UEFA Cup home tie has been moved to Barnsley’s Oakwell Stadium because soft rockers Bon Jovi tore up the pitch.

The July 17th away leg against Faroese side EB/Streymur has also had to be moved, as their tiny picturesque Við Margáir stadium holds just 1,000 people. This is obviously not enough to cope with Manchester City’s travelling army, plus the expense fishing all of Darius Vassell’s wayward shots out of the sea was deemed far too high. As Mark Hughes was less than happy about kicking off his City managerial debut in a location where the most viable means of transport is a mountain goat, the tie will now be played at one of the bigger grounds of the tiny Danish province.

More pictures of their charming little stadium after the jump…

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No longer Drogba’s dream move, we assume

Only last week, Drogba was caught twittering about how great AC Milan are, alluding to a move, building them up like they were the best team since AC Milan in the 1980s. And yet, now, everyone has gone a little bit hushed.

All the big talk has been of Ronaldinho linking up with Kaka, Berbatov was on his way, some quarters had even thought it not out of the question that Messi would ply his electric wares at the club. Then at the weekend, they stuttered into fifth place in Serie A

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Despite holding Fiorentina to a goalless draw at Ibrox last week, Rangers go into tonight’s UEFA Cup semi-final second leg as huge underdogs. Can they pull off a surprise in Italy? Will we ever find out who threw out my sandwich from the fridge at Spoiler Towers earlier this week? So many crucial questions going unanswered!

To have a punt on tonight’s game using the best odds available on the net, visit the oddschicken.

Snooker
World Championship semi-finals (BBC2, 7pm)

Blue Square Premier Play-off semi-final
Exeter City/ Torquay Utd (Setanta Sports 1, 7.45pm)

UEFA Cup semi-final seconnd leg
Fiorentina/ Rangers (ITV4, 7.45pm)

The best sports on the telebox tonight

After the intense lack of excitement last night, lets hope Scotland’s second best team can pull off some magic in Europe’s second favourite cup competition. The bookies fancy Fiorentina to take an away victory in tonight’s first leg, so take a look at the odds here and cash in on Scottish misfortune.

Snooker
World Championship (BBC2, 7pm)

UEFA Cup semi-final first leg
Rangers/ Fiorentina (ITV4, 7pm)

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Eldrick Woods, known as ‘Tiger’ to friends and fans, is on such unstoppable form that he could conceivably win all four majors this summer. Main competitor Phil Mickelson has backed him on that one, and the folk at Paddy Power are so resigned to his Augusta victory that they are doing everything they can to make you bet against him (if you back Mickelson at 11/1, for example, and Woods wins by five or more shots, you’ll get your money back).

UEFA Cup quarter-final first leg
Sporting/ Rangers (ITV4, 7.45pm)

US Masters Golf
Augusta, Georgia, Day One (BBC2, 9pm)

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Yes, all the English teams have been dismissed from Europe’s least loves competition, but north of the border, hopes are very much alive for Rangers to make the UEFA Cup semi-finals. They are 11/10 favourites - not a bad punt considering they have lost just one game in the last 25.

UEFA Cup Quarter-final First Leg
Rangers/ Sporting (ITV4, 7.45pm)

Tennis
Miami ATP Masters (Sky Sports Xtra, 8pm)

Setanta Shield Final
Aldershot/ Rushden & Diamonds (Setanta Sports 1, 7.30pm)