Runner joins the list of poeple fed up with Ronny’s theatrics
Usain Bolt loves football almost as much as he loves chicken nuggets and showing off, and and is therefore relishing the prospect of meeting up with Cristiano Ronaldo for a training session. We were under the impression Bolt would be giving C-Ron sprinting tips, but it turns out he will actually use the opportunity to tell the Portuguese star to ‘man up’:
“The first thing I’m going to tell him: stop acting like a wuss.
“Seriously, because the fact why his game is kind of down right now is because these guys are picking on him because he’s so soft. No one in football will try it with Rooney. Ronaldo’s got to be a little like Rooney, he’s got to be aggressive, then these guys will stop picking on him. If Ronaldo’s aggressive back to these guys, and gets a few red cards, people will stop picking on him.”
Essentially, Bolt’s advice is that Ronaldo should try and get more yellow cards. Not the best advice for a player who has already picked up six cautions and a sending off this season.
World’s fastest man to give Manchester Utd star speed tips
Thanks to some “creative editing”, it has been proven that Cristiano Ronaldo is faster than the world’s fastest production car. According to The Independent, however, the Portuguese winger will get a helluva lot quicker this summer, when he meets up with Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest man:
Cristiano Ronaldo, who is already the most elusive of customers in attack, is to have sprint lessons from Usain Bolt, the fastest- ever human on the planet.
The world player of the year and the world’s fastest man are to meet in the summer, when Bolt is in Europe competing on the Grand Prix and Golden League circuit and preparing for the World Championships, which take place in Berlin in August.
Shockingly, this pairing did not come as a result of a cynical corporate sportswear stunt (we’re looking at you, David Beckham and Kevin Garnett), as C-Ron is a Nike man and Usain Bolt loves him some Puma.
The proposed training session is in fact the result of a request by Bolt’s management, as the Jamaican is a huge football fan who wishes to add a signed Ronaldo shirt to his memorobilia collection.
Obesity-peddling restaurant is the athlete’s choice, apparently
Monday 18th August, 2008: Humongous gentleman Michael Phelps helps himself to a McDonalds on the Olympic Green in front of a huge press entourage. This comes shortly after we are told that that the swimmer eats the calorie equivalent of 22 Big Macs a day.
Sunday 17th August, 2008: After pissing all over the 100 metres final, Jamaican Usain Bolt reveals his secret weapon: ‘no Breakfast and McDonalds Chicken McNuggets’.
Saturday 16th August, 2008: Team GB swimmer Rebecca Adlington scoops her second gold in six days, and declares that she will ‘celebrate with a McDonalds‘.
Are we meant to believe that so many Olympians, who dedicate every waking hour to ensuring they are in peak physical condition, would intrinsically want to eat fast food during and after the most important sporting event of their lives? Or has a certain official Olympic partner made sure that gold medal winners have been name dropping their brand?
This kind of sneaky marketing is happening on our shores too. Did
No one needs to tell you that Athletics is boring, you already know that. You’ve sat there for hours, holding your eyes open with matchsticks, trying your hardest to see what all the fuss is about with the steeplechase. Damn it, you even endured a whole minute of cannon ball throwing! But did you, by any chance, spare ten amazing seconds for the one hundred meters dash? There, people, is an event actually worth watching - and above is a tall Jamaican man called Usain Bolt running the quickest race of ALL TIME. If no one has said it yet, let The Spoiler be the first: ahem, Lightening Bolt?
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