Arsenal 1/ Manchester Utd 3 (Manchester Utd progress 4-1 on aggregate)
It usually takes Cristiano Ronlado ten minutes to apply lashings of gel to his carefully-coiffed cranium - approximately two minutes more than it took his side to deflate the nervous atmosphere at The Emirates last night. The tricky winger’s two goals were brilliant (just look how far he runs for his second), and helped to give United the kind of scoreline they deserved at Old Trafford last week.
It’s too bad Arsenal forgot to turn up - it says a lot when your best player is an out of position substitute who couldn’t hit a cow’s backside with a banjo. Yes Nicklas Bendtner, we just gave you some heavily-disguised praise. Enjoy it.
Platini despairs as English teams guarantee a place in the final
Arsenal 3/ Villarreal 0 (Arsenal win 4-1 on agg.)
Hopefully, you followed The Spoiler’s astute advice and backed an Arsenal/ Manchester Utd win double last night. The Gunners booked a semi-final bout with Fergie’s men after a comprehensive victory over the Yellow Submarine. “That was a comprehensive victory over the Yellow Submarine,” Arsene Wenger was not heard to remark.
Porto 0/ Manchester Utd 1 (Manchester Utd win 3-2 on agg.)
Over in Portugal, Manchester Utd rediscovered the ability to make accurate passes to one another that was so severely lacking in the first leg. After Cristiano Ronaldo’s piss-takingly long-range strike, it seems the Estadio do Dragao is no longer a scary place.
Chelsea 2/ CFR Cluj 1
Luiz Felipe Scolari won’t need to get on the next BA flight to Brazil as Chelsea just about managed to see off slightly rubbish Romanian side CFR Cluj. After the campaign thus far, it’s hard to comprehend that just seven months ago, John Terry was helping the West Londoners lose in the final.
PSV 1/ Liverpool 3
Over in Holland, Liverpool secured top spot in Group D, but only after a shaky start.
Spoiler bonus: See Jose Mourinho’s Inter punished by a Chelsea star on loan in Germany after the jump…
Apparently, the team who convincingly defeated Holland last week were playing a match against Spain in Vienna last night. I’ve been studying the video above to discover whether this was the case, but I’m still not entirely convinced. Either way, it looks like Guus Hiddink’s sterling record of never reaching an international final rages on…
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