Football panto villain gets odd looks from passport control…

Crown The Spoiler a 21st century prophet. Yesterday, we opined that professional footballers were now so girly, they’d eventually become indistinguishable from the fairer sex. Less than a day later, and The Sun reports Robbie Savage had to miss a flight with Derby County after mistaking his wife’s passport for his own. Nostradamus ain’t got s**t on us.

The Rams were jetting off on a 4am flight to Amsterdam, for last night’s friendly against ADO Den Haag (which they lost 1-0). On discovering his new passport photo flattered him immensely, Savage had to dash back home whilst staff waited on standby to check him into an afternoon flight:

“I offered to shave my beard and put on some make-up and then I’d have looked like my missus! What worries me slightly is that when I suggested it, some said I might get away with it!

We doubt it, Robbie. The Welsh midfielder made it to the ground minutes before kick-off, but had to settle with starting on the subs bench.

For those not invited to celebrate the birthday of Robert Pires 

The U17 World Cup continues at 3pm on Eurosport 2, as Italy’s nippers attempt to take revenge for 2002 and all that, by beating some South Korean children.

Three matches this evening covering a range of footballing competition. If you like your football young, catch Wales vs Scotland in the Victory Shield at 7:40pm on Sky Sports 1. If you like your football second-rate, Man United reserves try to take their own revenge against the Liverpool counterparts, MUTV from 7.

And finally, if you like your football preening, the Special One hosts Walter Zenga’s Palermo, looking to go four points clear at the top of Serie A. The game is on ESPN at 7:45.

 Small boys? In the park? Jumpers for goalposts? Marvellous

When Michael Owen sat in the posh seats last night, cutting a sad figure sending text messages to himself, his mind may have gone back to his 15 year-old self, scoring one of the all-time great England goals in the Victory Shield against Scotland. Owen himself has often described it as the greatest goal of his career, most recently in this interview with 4-4-2.

Cast your eye over England’s next sullen and ultimately disappointing hero in the Victory Shield match between England Wales, tonight from 7:30 on Sky Sports 1.

Manchester Utd star spends £400 on humble staycation

He may earn over £100,000-a-week, and he may run his own luxury lifestyle magazine, but Rio Ferdinand has been living like someone who is actually affected by the global economic downturn. In a move that suggests the Manchester Utd star possesses a degree of humility that is very rare among top flight players, he was spotted with his family at Presthaven Sands, a Haven Holidays camp in North Wales.

The Telegraph done a report what says:

Dismissing more tropical getaways, Ferdinand decided to take his family to the small town in Denbighshire known as the “gateway to North Wales coast” where “mountain air meets salty sea breezes”.

And in the spirit of Britain’s summer of “staycation” the £100,000-a-week Premiership star booked his wife Rebecca Ellison and two sons into the Haven park for a credit-crunch busting weekend break in late August.

He did, however, choose a top-of-the-range “Prestige” caravan - at £400 for the weekend.

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Craig Bellamy continues to sabotage his international career
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Striker alleged to have physically and verbally abused his captain

Chelsea players and winged creatures know not to mess with Michael Ballack, but Germany’s favourite Polish striker Lukas Podolski clearly has some lessons to learn.

On Wednesday night, the 13 or 14 people who attended the Wales/ Germany game in Cardiff were shocked to see the angry forward slap his captain in the middle of the pitch. After the game, Podolski dismissed the incident:

Sometimes these things happen on the pitch. For me, the matter is closed and have been dealt with. Anyone can see I am a player who sometimes shows emotion, but I don’t clear these things up in public. We are professional enough to discuss these things in private.

We didn’t report this yesterday as Podolski’s comments made it all seem like a non-event, but our German friends at Bild have spiced things up this morning by claiming Podolski ranted at Ballack before the bitchslap.

Apparently, he said “Halt’s Maul! Lauf selber, du Arschloch!”. Thanks to The Spoiler’s tenuous grasp of German idioms, we know this means:

“Shut your trap! Run, you arsehole!”

In response to this accusation, Podolski simply said: “I did not use such words.” Whatevs, Lukas.

Spoiler bonus: Video evidence of the honour-offending slap after the jump…

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Coleen Rooney is pregnant
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BREAKING NEWS: John Terry’s Mum did not steal £800 worth of goods from Tesco and M&S. It was actually £1,450.
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Spurs look set to end their quest for Stuart Downing
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Spurs star hasn’t quite got the hang of his job

Oh what fun it must be to live the life of a Tottenham coach. Their star centre back is only capable of playing one game a week “at a push”, while Gareth Bale is still learning how to keep the ball from ending up in the wrong net. Prior to Wales’ World Cup Qualifier with Finland he said:

“I need to improve my defensive side. I’ve been working hard on it and hopefully it will pay off.

“Spurs assistant boss Kevin Bond takes a group of us and I am learning.”

Recent results have suggested Kevin Bond’s methods are successful, but Spurs’ most effective defensive technique appears to be leaving Gareth Bale out of the team. Incredibly, Spurs are still to win a league game with the Welshman in the side, taking his luckless run to 21 games.