It’s as ridiculous as you could ever imagine

“Charismatic.” “Cool.” “Fit & healthy.” These are just three of the terms no one in their right minds would apply to Michael Owen, with the apparent exception of his representatives Wasserman.

The 32-page brochure designed to encourage his sale has finally leaked, and it is as unprofessional as it is woefully misguided and desperate. Take, for example, the third page, which features a short biography that is completely unnecessary for anybody vaguely familiar with professional football. They earn bonus points for approaching the Italian and Spanish translations in the same way as a lazy fifteen-year-old GCSE student - “Michael will be out of contract and can soon consider a challenge far away from the park of St James’ Park” is quite clearly the result of cutting and pasting on a free online translator…

As a testament to his “Fit & healthy” brand value (well it’s more of a characteristic of a sportsman than a brand value), there’s an endorsement by the doctor who worked with Kieron Dyer, Damien Duff, Dean Ashton and Craig Bellamy. Apparently, grouping Owen with other incredibly injury prone players is an excellent way of conveying his unfaltering health…

See more of the document that will almost certainly lower Michael Owen’s future wage expectations after the jump…