Wayne finally leaves the swimming pool, but doesn’t venture far

Up until yesterday, only the promise of cheap fast food had been enough to lure Wayne and Coleen Rooney away from the steps of The Wynn hotel’s swimming pool. Now, however, the Manchester Utd striker has branched out to see what the rest of Las Vegas has to offer, by moving a few feet inside the building to the Wynn’s nightclub Blush.

He’s pictured above sharing a (carbohydrate-filled and alcoholic) beverage with heavily tattooed basketball star LeBron James. Whether Coleen was still shrivelling away in the pool at this point is unknown.

Will Wayne and Coleen ever stray more than twenty yards from their hotel? Will this honeymoon go down as one of the most boring in history? The case continues…

[Fan Nation]

Please Wayne, do SOMETHING!

Okay, now we’re all starting to feel awkward. Last week, The Spoiler showcased Wayne Rooney’s unbelievable lack of imagination as he and his new bride, Coleen, spent the first three days of their honeymoon languishing in the hotel pool until their entire bodies wrinkled like stewed prunes. But shockingly it didn’t end there. They’re still at it!

For Christ’s sake, hurry up and start Premier League season - these long watery silences are becoming unbearable!

Disturb yourself with pictures of Day Four and Day Five after the jump.

Cigarettes and fast food help Wayne stay fit in his summer break

The Wynn Casino is one of the best in Las Vegas, boasting no less than fifteen award winning restaurants. Guests, for example, may enjoy the Michelin-starred delights of celebrity chef Alessandro Stratta in Alex, or the equally Michelin-starred delicacies avaliable in Chinese eatery Wing Lei.

If your surname is Rooney, however, you’ll probably prefer to nip over the road to the Fashion Show Mall, where the culinary highlights include KFC, Subway and Wendy’s. Stay classy, Wayne.

(Also, congratulations are in order for Coleen and Wayne for staying in Las Vegas for so long. Anything longer than a couple of days would drive most people insane.)

See the picture of Wayne and Coleen tucking into a sumptuous Wendy’s meal right here

We give it three years… tops

Wise men say that the key to a long happy marriage is variety. You need to mix it up. Of course, we would all like to eat ham and chips every day, and make great missionary love by night, but women are complicated creatures. They actually like change.

So, great big alarm bells have started sounding as more and more pictures of Wayne and Coleen’s swish Vegas honeymoon keep appearing on the internet. It’s about a week into their marriage and they’ve already run out of things to do. Lounging by the pool was a fantastic idea on day one, Wayne - truly inspired - but it’s now been three whole days. Ronaldo would be spinning in his grave. Were he dead.

Witness the shocking pictures after the jump…

Ahhh, so this is how the other half live…

It’s no great secret that Wayne Rooney spent his childhood wearing rags and hoofing stones around Liverpool council estates, while over in Portugal Ronaldo’s family were so subservient and caught up in the 1980s that they even named their son after the US President, Ronald Reagan. The world, in short, was against these boys from the get-go.

In a parallel universe somewhere, Rooney is no doubt communicating in the mixture of coughs, snorts and hacks that make up the unemployed scouse dialect, while Ronaldo is standing alone in nightclubs watching jealously as all the other guys get the girls, and he has to go home with nothing but a cupful of his own tears and a massively long neck. But look at them now - both classy, both amazing. Begging the important question: who’s classier?

Manchester Utd striker’s secret passion for cancer sticks revealed

Despite being an professional sportsman who relies on his fitness to make a living, Wayne Rooney found the time to spark up a coffin nail while staying at the Wynn Casino in the city of sin this week. According to The Sun, the Manchester United striker also joined the pro-footballer smoke club - whose members include Dimitar Berbatov, David James and Zinedine Zidane - during his stag trip to Ibiza.

The biggest concern about this situation isn’t the effect the filthy habit will have on Mr Rooney’s career, but rather his flagrant abuse of smoking etiquette. Honestly, who smokes in a swimming pool? Does he smoke in the shower too? He ought to be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

Rockstar forces shock transfer on wedding day

Traditionally, wedding receptions are a time of dancing with elderly relatives, drinking too much cheap champers and watching young children ease their boredom by setting fire to decorations.

They are not usually a place where the groom will make career altering decisions, but Stereophonics singer Kelly Jones forced Wayne Rooney into a corner on his big day last week:

WAYNE ROONEY had to promise to change his nationality to WELSH before his favourite rocker would sing at his wedding reception. KELLY JONES of the STEREOPHONICS also got him to pledge to play for Leeds next season.

The Have A Nice Day singer said: “My opening line was, ‘So Wayne, your missus rang and asked us to do this’. I said, ‘On one condition - as long as he plays for Leeds next season and changes his nationality to Welsh. Can I

Smile Wayne, it might never happen. Oh wait, it will

Faced with the prospect of settling down with a woman who will no doubt curb his appetite for geriatric ladies of the night, Wayne Rooney is positively beaming with enthusiasm on his Ibiza stag do.

This isn’t an example of Rooney being caught off guard by an opportunist pap - the picture agencies have a wide range of shots available from Rooney’s night out at Lineker’s Bar (how apt), all of which show him looking more depressed than a Hull fan without a season ticket.

Like children, footballers can be so cruel 

As absolutely everyone knows, before the biggest match of the season, the battle begins in the press. We like to call it The Battle of the Brains. Already Chelsea and Man United have been trading blows like furious tots in a street fight.

Rooney on Drogba:
Sometimes it seems as if his head is not there, but when he is playing at his best he is an unbelievable player.

Vidic on Drogba:
Sometimes he goes in very strong, and sometimes he pretends he is very weak. He plays with your mind and tries to make you think about the next tackle. He can pretend he fell down to win a penalty, but referees know that. The Champions League final is a big game and I’m sure the ref will know his job.

All the players rated according to their unpopularity

What a Champions League final. Two delighted sets of fans, then the rest of Europe all scratching their heads trying to figure out which of the teams they want to win less. The Spoiler has taken a long look at all of the players who should be involved, and marked them out of ten, using a state-of-the-art Hate-o-meter. Results follow…