Prem big boys flex their muscles in games that don’t really matter

This weekend, the Premier League’s finest took and some of the best clubs in Europe (and Glasgow Rangers) in some tasty pre-season action. Chelsea made AC Milan (and ex-Leicester) keeper Zeljko Kalac look like a damned chump in their 5-0 victory in Moscow, while Liverpool, Manchester Utd and Arsenal also notched up pre-season victories.

See more video highlights after the jump…

Rubbish Frenchmen help Sneijder claim coveted prize

According to the voting masses at the UEFA website, Wesley Sneijder’s sublime effort against France was the ‘most beautiful’ goal of the tournament. Enjoy it above before those YouTube meanies take it away…

[discovered on The Offside]

The chickendinner bet blog considers the race the Manchester Utd’s hallowed jersey

The number seven shirt is considered the most prestigious at Old Trafford, having been worn previously by the likes of George Best, Bryan Robson, Eric Cantona and David Beckham.

Cristiano Ronaldo was supposed to be the next great player to achieve legend status wearing the number with which he has become obsessed, but it looks like he has craned his extraordinarily long neck in the direction of Madrid.

Paddy Power still make Ronaldo 5/4 favourite to be wearing the shirt next season, while the second favourite is for nobody to inherit the number for the coming campaign should the 42-goal Portuguese leave: say what you will about Ronny’s performance over the season just past, but he surely hasn’t done enough to have his number retired.

The best of the rest is Carlos Tevez, currently

These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…

As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…

GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.

DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.

DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)
Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.

The Red Devils may have an extra £80m to play with

After exposing the gaps the five London clubs and the Prem newbies need to fill, we have now condiered the manner in which Manchester Utd and Liverpool should redistribute their cash this summer…

Manchester Utd

Top priority:
The best deal for Ronaldo - If he wants out, get shot of him. If United demand big money, Real Madrid are likely to agree and if not, they keep him.
Fergie should demand Wesley Sneijder, who has outperformed Ronaldo at the Euros, in exchange and then use the remaining money to buy another striker.

Fitting the bill: Wesley Sneijder, Dani Guiza, Luis Fabiano, Dimitar Berbatov

Liverpool

Top priority:
A quality winger - Liverpool already boast Gerrard, Mascherano, Alonso, Lucas and Plessis in central midfield so it’s confusing that they make Barry the main priority. Babel is quality, but Kuyt’s a striker and Benayoun and Pennant aren’t good enough.

Fitting the bill: Aiden McGeady, Franck Ribery, Robinho, David Bentley

Spoiler bonus: Here’s who should be on the shopping lists of the other two Merseyside and Manchester clubs…

Everton

Top priority:
A new Lee Carsley -

Which Spaniard deserves a smacked bottom?

Big tournaments always seperate the wheat from the chaff, the goats from the sheep, the real heroes from the posers wearing drainpipes etc. And this year has been no different. Going in, everyone was blathering about Ronaldo, and saying things like “it could be France’s year, seriously, I just know it”. How wrong those idiots were.

Make no mistake, it’s been a great tournament, and there is still time for some big names to become great again, but for now, The Spoiler barometer has cast it’s aspersions. Don’t fight it, drink it in.

Topping the table with a phenomenol run is Valencia’s David Villa - a man who can somehow make time to fashion a pencil beard and score four goals for Spain. He has left Torres in the shade. To think he was going to go to Tottenham. Hilarious.

Also on the up and up is Russia’s revelation Andrei Arshavin, one of the Zenit St Petersburg crop. His lofty Russian wages won’t scare off the bigger names in Europe post-tournament, so expect to hear much more from him.

Those two are joined in the top half of the barometer by Wesley Sneijder - the pick of the excellent Holland team - and Turkey’s Nihat Kahveci, who scored probably the best goal so far against Petr Cech, supposedly the best goalkeeper in the world.

Sliding down towards the other end is Germany’s Klose - tipped