Well, nice one England, you’ve done it again. You’ve wasted another yet another glorious player, and Steven Gerrard is now doomed to spend his autumn years mumbling in pubs about what might have been, alongside Le Tissier, McManaman, Fowler, and nobody’s favourite evangelist, Glenn Hoddle.
Above is The Spoiler’s dream XI of players either mismanaged or completely overlooked by England managers past and present. In goal, Scott Carson is unlikely to recover from the most bizarre and dreadful competitive international debut against Croatia (McClaren’s final insult), Arsenal’s Lee Dixon and Nigel Winterburn were criminally blanked by the likes of Bobby Robson and Terry Venables.
It’s better in the Czech Republic, claims Roman Bednar
The FA and Premier League’s Respect campaign took another blow today when Czech forward Roman Bednar admitted that the standard of officiating in the top-flight was poorer than in his homeland.
The Baggies striker voiced his concerns after being left disappointed by referee Mike Dean’s performance in Sunday’s Midlands derby defeat to Aston Villa at The Hawthorns. He said:
Hey Stoke, West Brom and Hull, welcome to the Premier League party! Before you take off your jackets and get too comfortable, you might want to consider what happened to the last few guys who made it into the top twenty:
Only once have all three newly promoted sides survived - Fulham, Blackburn and Bolton in 2001-02. All three have been ever present since.On the only occasion that all three promoted sides went straight back down - Bolton, Barnsley and Crystal Palace in 1997-98 - none of them returned for four years.
Only 24 of the 47 clubs promoted into the Premier League have survived their first season.
Ten of the 16 Championship winners have survived, including five of the last seven, while four of the last five play-off winners have gone straight back down, three by finishing last.
Whether you believe it’s doom and gloom for the newbies, or you feel that some of the other top flight teams have outstayed their welcome (as chickendinner do), you are well advised to have a butchers at the Premier League relegation graph we helped produce with Betfair. It’s dead fancy, includes a link to a free £10 bet and will help you make an informed decision on the relegation battle. Take a look now!
Time for predictions that might look foolish in a few months
We’ve all been abnormally interested in dull sports like sailing and young aggressive divers of late, but fortunately that’s all about to change with the start of the Premier League season. Arsenal are virtually guaranteed the top spot for a few hours owing to their 12.45 kick off against newbies West Brom, but will they be able to hold onto that lead until the bitter end, or will they bottle it like last year? Vote below, please…
Everyone was as bad as everyone else in the Championship last year, but somehow West Brom, Stoke and Hull managed to secure a money-spinning year with the big boys. Will any of those clubs stay buoyant, or will they suffer the same fate as Crystal Palace, Bolton, and Barnsley in 1997/98, whose collective appearance in the Premiership was all too brief. Let us know below…
Ego, false promises and treachery of the WAG lifestyle revealed
On the surface, being a WAG is bloody brilliant - loads of money, plenty of holidays and enough celebrity to get into the trendiest of provincial nightspots without hassle - but this life comes at a cost. Suzanne Franklin spent up to £8,000 a week on crap she didn’t need while dating West Ham’s fugly midfielder Nigel Quashie, but she recently revealed the “squalid reality” of her glamorous experience:
‘I fell for Nigel instantly,’ she says. ‘But he betrayed me. He picked me because I was innocent and removed from his industry. He manipulated and moulded me into somebody different. I became obsessed with money and the way I looked. I felt like a doll - an accessory to look good on his arm.
‘I got caught up in a shallow world where everyone backstabs and bitches. The women hate each other and the men just want to sleep around.’
Appearing in the Premier League for one season only…
Only once in Premier League history have all three promoted sides gone straight back down (Barnsley, Bolton and Palace in 1997/98) and for that reason it’s unlikely that West Brom, Stoke and Hull will all make a swift return to the Championship. Then again, looking at our team comprising the three newcomers’ best players, they’ll have their work cut out. Even Bolton wouldn’t touch most of these guys…
[Now including eleventh man George Boateng, a player who always slips under the radar, which might explain how we managed to leave him out of our initial list! - Ed.]
Scott Carson (West Brom)
A season away from the spotlight will benefit the 22-year-old whose form last season was clearly affected by the scrutiny that followed his England error. Carson’s last relegation battle was with Charlton two years ago and their fans voted him Player of the Year.
Marek Cech (West Brom)
The Slovakian left-back scored the equaliser that killed off Ireland’s slim Euro 2008 qualification hopes once and for all. He ended three seasons at Porto with three league titles and arrives with Champions League experience - not that the Baggies will be needing that!
Leon Cort (Stoke)
Neil Warnock’s decision to offload Carl Cort’s younger bro couldn’t have worked out better for the centre-back, with Stoke coming to his rescue and then taking him to the Premier League. Cort has
The Spoiler recently questioned why Rafael Benitez was selling Peter Crouch, one of his few strikers, to raise money to buy yet another midfielder. It looks like he hasn’t learnt his lesson, as he is now attempting to offload Andrei Voronin for £3 million. The reason? You’ve guessed it: to fund the Barry bid. The fashion consciousEngland hater won’t be missed, despite five goals in 13 league starts.
Dimitar Berbatov to Man United
The Spoiler was impressed with Sir Alex Ferguson’s professionalism yesterday after he announced his bid for a player without naming him. That was until we picked up today’s copy of The Sun and saw it plastered with quotes about Fergie wanting Berbatov.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Maybe Real Madrid aren’t the only club without morals
Rob Green to Aston Villa
West Ham’s player of the season feels unappreciated because he is the club’s lowest-paid first-teamer and had his request for a new contract snubbed at the same time Dean Ashton got a rise. Hearing that Freddie Ljungberg could be given millions to disappear won’t have helped matters.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The board know it would be a season ticket sales disaster if the fans’ favourite leaves
Sunderland get ripped off again
Any Mackems hoping Sunderland wouldn’t be burning millions
Lets all take a minute to laugh at Real Madrid. They unscrupulous Spaniards unsettled Robinho by trying to offload him in exchange for Cristiano Ronaldo, and right now, it looks like they may end up without the services of either player. Chelsea are thought to have offered £48 million for the Brazilian man-o’-sex, which could leave Los Blancos without a playmaker, and a La Liga title, next season.
Gareth Barry to Arsenal
Martin O’Neill says that Arsenal have also expressed interest in the once-loyal captain, and may look to hijack Liverpool’s drawn out attempts to sign him if they fail to meet the asking price.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: O’Neill wants rid now, as shown by making this news public, something he previously criticised Benitez for.
David Bentley to Aston Villa
Yesterday all the talk was about Bentley finalising a deal to Tottenham but Paul Ince revealed that Spurs have not even made a bid. Villa have, and despite Ince’s claims that he wants the winger to stay, could he be making it public to start a bidding war?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Villa and Spurs have more appeal than Blackburn
After giving our two cents on how the five top flight London clubs should spend their cash yesterday, today we look at how the Premier League newcomers should invest their modest budgets in the closed season…
West Brom
Top priority:
Some new defenders - West Brom have got guys capable of scoring goals but at the back they are very leaky. They let in 55 goals last season and the last time the Championship winners conceded that many was way back in 1961. Don’t do what Derby did and sign a load of rubbish defenders though.
Fitting the bill: Calum Davenport, Michael Dawson, Stephen Kelly
Stoke
Top priority:
A Plan B - So Stoke won promotion by being brutish and scoring from Rory Delap’s long throws but Watford showed that physicality alone isn’t enough to survive. Last season Stoke forward Mamady Sidibe started 35 games and scored just four goals - more firepower is a must.
Fitting the bill: Harry Kewell, Shane Long, Marlon Harewood
Hull
Top priority:
Some youth and depth - Hull are ridiculed for relying heavily on old-timers Dean Windass and Nick Barmby but there’s nothing wrong with this policy as long as they are supplemented by some talented youngsters to help share the workload. A bit more quality and depth in defence is also a must.
Fitting the bill: Colin Kazim Richards, Younes Kaboul, Ali Al Habsi, Linvoy Primus
Who will enjoy a fleeting stay in the Premiership next season?
For its entry, “Terminal Five - a 21st Century Nightmare”, the British Airports Authority has unanimously been awarded this year’s gold medal in the coveted Customer Disappointment Awards. A very special mention, however, goes to all 24 teams of the Coca Cola Championship, especially those vain enough to consider themselves worthy of promotion. The judges said “Congratulations to all of you for consistently letting your fans down. When faced with the opportunity to go top, you have rarely failed to squander the opportunity and your ability to throw away points, even at home against truly pathetic opposition, has not gone unnoticed. You truly are an absolute shower, and woe betide the three of you who make it into the Premier League next season.”
The statistics
* The lowest number of league wins a team has won the title with in the last 20 years is 23 (Middlesbrough, 1995; Sunderland, 1996). Stoke can’t achieve that, Watford would need to win their remaining five, Bristol City need four from four, Hull four from five - hence West Brom have the advantage.
