Newspaper offices all over the country will be dreadful places to be today. Just dreadful. You’ve got your showbiz and fashion desks, all nursing serious wine and amphetamines hangovers, after having to pull an Oscars all-nighter.
The animals on the news desk will have overdone the whiskeys as usual, whilst the delightful young men in the post room will be grumbling because they spent most of Saturday night repeatedly circling a blonde girl on a nightclub dancefloor, and she didn’t once offer to have sex with them. What a cow.
Anyway, in the midst of this crumbling empire will be the football journalists - still alert, smoke coming from their keyboards, mobile phones ringing off the hook playing the MOTD theme tune. Here’s what they’ve uncovered today (thanks to The Mirror, The Sun, The Telegraph, The Daily Mail etc…):
The stars who have enjoyed facing their previous employers
This weekend, a whole host of players faced their former employers, most notably Emmanuel Adebayor at Eastlands and Dimitar Berbatov at White Hart Lane. Face kicking and celebrating aside, the former put in a performance that truly represented his stunning talent (something which was somewhat of a rarity during his final months at Arsenal), while the latter moped around and fluffed numerous chances (prompting the chant “That’s why we sold you!” - a chorus only bettered by the “You’re not signing any more!” that Chelsea received at Stoke).
With these acrimonious encounters in mind, Spoiler correspondent Liam Jarvis has selected his top five players who have enjoyed facing the teams that used to sign their puffed-up pay cheques…
William Gallas
The tantrum-prone Frenchman scored the winning header from a Cesc Fabregas corner to beat Chelsea 1-0 back in 2007. The goal ended a 3-year winless streak against their London rivals.
Alan Shearer
Alan Shearer marked his 300th club career goal in perfect fashion, a simple penalty against former side Blackburn in 2002.
My my, didn’t the London clubs do well last night?
Chelsea 2/ Inter Milan 0
In front of a huge crowd at Pasadena’s historic Rose Bowl stadium, Chelsea entertained their American fans with a win over the Serie A champions. Goals came from two of Jose Mourinho’s former lovers, Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard.
SC Columbia 1/ Arsenal 7
Despite a very embarrassing slip up for the opener, the Gunners absolutely spanked minnows SC Columbia in Vienna last night. Braces from Nicklas Bendtner, RVP and Aaron Ramsey were topped off with an effort from William Gallas.
French flop tells Prof. Wenger to “analyse” Arsenal weaknesses
Arsenal defender Mikael Silvestre has asked Arsene Wenger to hold an inquest into the clubs’ poor performance this season and search for solutions.
He said: ”We have played against top sides and shown weaknesses. It’s for the boss to analyse that.”
Considering one of Arsenal’s biggest problems in recent weeks has been the former Manchester United man’s frailties, we’re not too sure how he stands to benefit from such analysis.
Surely the first conclusion that Wenger would make when conducting a post-mortem is that Silvestre is no longer good enough even to help put William Gallas’ toys back in his pram?
Arsenal/Villarreal, Champions Lge QF L2, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 3
Arsenal’s biggest worry tonight is how their defence will cope without Manuel Almunia, Gael Clichy, William Gallas and Johan Djourou. It is with that in mind that we have decided to stick with the 4-2-3-1 formation from the first leg, ensuring that the patched-up back four are adequately supported:
Emmanuel Adebayor was isolated at times in Spain but with Villarreal needing to commit bodies forward, there should be more space for Samir Nasri, Cesc Fabregas and Theo Walcott to exploit, while Robin van Persie and Nicklas Bendtner will be ready to do damage off the bench if the visitors score.
Do you agree with our formation or do you think Arsenal should start with two strikers? Let us know who you would pick with a comment below.
Cesc Fabregas’ spitting games, Mike Riley’s green day and William Gallas’ massively offside winner anger defeated Hull
During last night’s FA Cup quarter-final between Arsenal and Hull, referee Mike Riley decided it would be appropriate for both goalkeepers to wear green - the same colour as the officials. This contravenes the laws of the game, but Mike Riley will undoubtedly use the St Patrick’s Day defence to escape punishment.
This colour confusion, however, was the least of the controversial incidents last night at the Emirates. Perma-tanned Hull manager Phil Brown was incensed by William Gallas’ 84th minute winner, which was clearly offside. “We lost the game unfairly. But I didn’t use the word cheat, you did,” said Brown to a reporter, clearly using the word “cheat”.
PB was also angered by the actions of Cesc Fabregas, who allegedly spat at the feet of Hull assistant manager Brian Horton after the game. It’s unclear what the Spaniard was doing on the pitch in his civvies in the first place, but he has thus far vehemently denied parting with any saliva.
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