They’re a disgrace, a big revolting disgrace…

Okay, we’ve drooled enough over the Arshavins and the David Villas, now it’s time to load up the claws and get stuck into some massive Euro 2008 flops. These men should think about getting a new day job - especially you, Ronaldo, or whatever your name is! What’s that? It is Ronaldo? Yeah, well…. shut up!

GK Petr Cech (Czech Republic)
His mistakes were costly, the hat looks stupid, and he’s getting more and more grumpy - starting to resemble the world’s most sullen gimp.

DL Paulo Ferreira (Portugal)
Lack of match practice and being played out of position made Ferreira appalling against the Germans. Needs to locate his footballing ability.

DC Lilian Thuram (France)
In fairness, he should never have been there. Too old for the modern speedsters with their shiny trainers and spikey hairstyles. Someone needs to tell him to stop.

The Spoiler considers the top flight’s finest in Austria/ Switzerland

Although England fans will not get a chance to make fools of themselves on the streets of Vienna, the best league in the world is very well represented at the European Championships. With this in mind, The Spoiler has whittled down the top flight’s best imports to form some kind of monolith XI of continental talent. And Petr, you may have more arms than a Vishnu God, but you’re on the bench for this one…

Jens Lehmann
Forget the increasingly gaffe-prone Petr Cech, Lehmann is the guy to watch. He won’t be a Premier League player next season but he has a point to prove and could well lift the trophy.

Patrice Evra
Ridiculously, he still isn’t a regular in the French team, but a lack of Premier League left-back’s potentially up for selection in this XI means he creeps in ahead of Alvaro Arbeloa.

William Gallas
When he’s not sulking, Gallas is actually a pretty good defender and France will be relying on him being back to his best if they are to challenge.

Ricardo Carvalho
John Terry’s better half will be keen to show he can perform just as well without the blubbering wreck by his side.

Oh look, it’s almost the end of the season, and that’s when everyone starts applauding each other and shouting “good game, good game”, full of the joys of spring. Well, not over here at The Spoiler. Oh no. We’re still livid with some of the Premier League’s so-called “players”. This XI, for example, should be ashamed of themselves.

GK Petr Cech (Chelsea)
Such is the increasing nature of his facial injuries that most people expect Cech to play next season wearing a gimp mask. That aside, he’s spent most of 2007/08 busily sabotaging his reputation as the world’s best goalkeeper by setting up goals for Jonathan Woodgate in the Carling Cup final, and Ryan Babel in the Champions League.

DL John Arne Riise (Liverpool)
There was a time when Riise was synonymous with blistering shots bursting through the net and into someone’s face in the crowd, but this season he’s been more of an own goal specialist, with a stonker against Luton, and a bitch of a bouncer in the Champions League.

DC William Gallas (Arsenal)
Arsenal captains are strong proud men like Tony Adams and Patrick Viera, not whimpering cretins who flump off the pitch in tears or stage sit in protests for no reason whatsoever. A manchild.

DC Kolo Toure (Arsenal)
Toure was doing a fantastic job until he sloped off to Africa in January and lost all of his confidence. He then returned to Arsenal and started gifting people goals willy-nilly.

The Arsenal captain’s babyish antics have helped shape history

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