Arsenal winger introduces hot tennis pro to world of Waggery

The summer departure of whiney winger Alex Hleb from Arsenal was good news for two reasons - not only did he make way for Marseille’s Samir Nasri, but the Frenchman introduced another top class WAG to the Premiership. Professional tennis star Tatiana Golovin - better known in London for upsetting stuffy Wimbledon officials with her bright red pants - has been dating Nasri since May.

Three ways to make Kinnear less grumpy after a game

According to a poll held on The Spoiler yesterday, the overwhelming majority of football fans believe there is a problem with the standard of Premier League refereeing that must be addressed post haste. The likes of Joe Kinnear, Mark Hughes, and David Moyes are all outspoken on the subject, but none are keen to offer or endorse a positive, practical solution to the issue. With this in mind, The Spoiler has compiled a three point plan to improve the state of officiating in the top flight…

1. Introduce a video referee

It’s a sad fact that the game moves far too fast for an infallible human to keep up with - a referee can’t be everywhere at once, and a linesman cannot expected to be perfectly accurate when he must be looking at two places at once (technically a physical impossibility). The video ref system has been touted for years, and as Spoiler reader Sack the Juggler eloquently says, it has been successfully implemented in rugby, so why not in the beautiful game? It’s time to embrace technology and make proper use of the cameras that cover every angle of every stadium anyway.

2. Pay the referees more money

At present, Premier League referees receive a retainer of £33,000 and a further £1,000 for each match they officiate. This usually equates to about £60,000 per year. While this seems an ample amount for 90 minutes of work on a weekend, surely there is enough money in the game to pay them £100,000, or even £200,000 per year? Some clubs will pay that for one week of services from a player! There is a general

Hmmm, sounds a bit weak, Joe

“I come from a one-parent family. My dad died when I was young and my mum brought up five on a council estate,” explains Joe Kinnear to 5 Live, clearly mistaking Premier League football management with the X Factor. It was his way of explaining why he can’t help but swear his head off during press conferences.

That won’t score you any points, Joe. Ex-Prime Minister John Major grew up surrounded by bearded women, strongmen and clowns (or something), but no one ever heard of him squirting water from a pretend flower into Bush Snr’s eye, or splatting his cohorts with a custard pie. Although he did have sex with Edwina Currie.

Either way, should Kinnear’s rotten childhood on the streets of Watford really make it alright for him to bring the language of the billiard hall into our luxury lounges? The Spoiler thinks not.

But what do you think? Let us know with a vote…

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the internet…

Enjoy today’s links with a doff of the cap to Paul Newman.

Ronaldinho scores in the Milan derby

[Machochip]

Vote for your favourite cheerleader

[On 205th]

The further adventures of Nadal’s bionic arm

[Polite Applause]

Literally everything you need to know about football

[Stats Centre]

The Beckhams have been making potions in a perfumery

[Kickette]

Steamy MotoGP girls just hanging around, doing nothing

[Gridcrasher]

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the internet…

Allow those lovely Wu-Tang boys to hold your hand and take you into the weekend….

Fernando Alonso shames himself on telly

[Grid Crasher]

Sturdy UFC Ring Girl Edith Labelle

[via With Leather]

Platini’s Dad sorts out the Wenger debacle

[The Offside]

Brazilian side outlaws fatness

[Machochip]

The ultimate football statistics site

[Stats Centre]

Nadal caught with his pants down

[Polite Applause]

Wow, did anybody see this one coming?

Just when you thought things couldn’t get even more bizarre at St. James’ Park, Newcastle have announced former Wimbledon boss Joe Kinnear as their new interim manager.

Having left his previous Premier League post at Selhurst Park in 1999 after a heart attack, Kinnear is surely ill-advised to make his return at a club in freefall, where the fans feel a hatred towards the chairman, and Dennis Wise is hugely influential.

The Irishman resigned from his last job as manager of Championship side Nottingham Forest in 2004 with the club stuck in the relegation zone. Kinnear is under no illusions that he won’t be at the club for long and said:

Watch Mr B launch his career at Deepdale

Two seasons before he caught Wimbledon keeper Neil Sullivan off his line, David Beckham was sent to Lancashire to get some first team experience. He helped guide Preston North End to fifth place in the old Division Three, but returned to Manchester Utd in April of the 1994/95 season to debut in a goalless draw against Leeds.

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Reportedly, Hamburg’s Martin Jol politely enquired as to whether Liverpool would part with Dutch striker-turned-winger Dirk Kuyt, but was left petrified, alarmed and severely shaken after Rafa Benitez mentioned the £16m price tag. With no new wingers arriving, he will be needed again at Anfield, so a transfer looks unlikely.

Benni McCarthy to Blackburn
McCarthy doesn’t match any of Roy Keane’s three transfer target requirements (played for Manchester Utd, played in the Championship, comes from Ireland) yet a £7 million offer for the South Africa is being readied.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Keane wants another striker and Santa Cruz has stolen Benni’s thunder, but Ince may want to keep hold for now

Gael Givet to West Ham
East London can breathe

What’s this? A Spanish WAG who keeps her clothes on?

Rafa Nadal first made an impact on the international tennis scene at the age of fourteen, when he thoroughly embarrassed Pat Cash in an exhibition game. Since then, he has been steadily collecting Grand Slam titles, yet his epic victory at Wimbledon last week was the first witnessed by his girlfriend María Francesca “Xisca” Perelló. If she decides to trade her dignity for fame, expect her walk the heavily-publicised road also trodden by fellow Spaniard Nereida Gallardo.

Tennis star gets to the bottom of the C-Ron transfer saga

Rafael Nadal is being treated as a hero in his native Spain - not only was he mobbed upon his return to his hometown of Manacor (see above), but the president of his favourite football team has deemed him a worthy confidant for transfer information. By some bizarre twist of fate, Calderon’s comments were overheard and managed to make the papers this morning:

Nadal met Calderon in the grounds of the All England Club on Sunday night and a Spanish-speaking onlooker heard him ask: “OK, President, where’s this Cristiano Ronaldo we’re supposed to be signing?”

The Real chief replied: “Relax, Rafa, everything’s under control and we’ve got him done and dusted.”

How convenient that someone managed to overhear this thoroughly fictitious-sounding conversation. It’s almost as if the Real Madrid boss wanted his comments to be publicised…