Taarabt - low blow

The big news from today’s showbusiness desks is that Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud has become more ladylike. They know this because she has a “grown up” hairstyle, and managed to navigate an entire nightclub without once grabbing herself and gurning at photographers. They grow up so fast, these pop stars.

Here’s what else we know, thanks to the likes of The Mirror, The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Sun etc…

Is one of these men “the new Gary Lineker”?

Romance fans will be bitterly disappointed today, with news that Kate Winslet has managed to make a pig’s ear of another marriage - she’s divorcing Sam Mendes, the man who directed the slow moving Jamie Redknapp hairstyle biopic, Jarhead. As expected, showbiz desks are completely furious about this.

One group who couldn’t give a monkeys, however, are the hard working sports writers. Not big Winslet fans, these office heroes have avoided the furore entirely, and have been instead been writing about football. Here’s what we know today, thanks to the likes of The Sun, The Daily Mail, The Guardian etc…:

Keep safe, chaps

As the clock ticks down towards June, hearts will be spilling out of people’s mouths every time an important England players goes in for a tackle.

Already Beckham’s gone, Owen’s gone, Lennon, Wes Brown and Ashley Cole are in a race against time. Hargreaves isn’t looking good. Joe Cole and Glen Johnson have both stuttered and don’t look back to their best.

Begging the question - who can England really not afford to lose before the World Cup?

Messi - good. But that good?

After Messi’s brilliant weekend hat-trick, the Barcelona goalkeeper, Victor Valdes said this:

“Messi is already the best player in the world, but he can become the best ever.”

He might have a point. As things stand, that particular “greatest ever” crown seems to belong to either Pele or Maradona by consensus, although no one will ever quite agree on which. The Spoiler tends to lean towards Maradona, but would happily throw Michael Laudrup, Zinedine Zidane, and Garrincha into the debate too.

But what do YOU think? Is Messi the greatest ever? Does he need to win a World Cup first? Let us know with a vote and a comment.

Also appearing on a computer near you

The moment it all went wrong for Becksie (via Dirty Tackle)

David Beckham - the highs and lows

[Daily Mail]

The Phil Brown Marmite Test

[Pies]

Get the Guardiola haircut

[Kickette]

Lady footballers show their feminine side

[Dirty Tackle]

Will Beckham and Owen be missed?

[The Telegraph]

Benitez gets the cartoon treatment

[Studs Up]

They think it’s all over…

Unfortunately, when it comes down to it, Lady Luck is a spiteful little cow who will never quite allow a footballer to bow out gracefully. Maradona left the international game under a big drugs-shaped cloud, Zidane nutted someone in the chest, Gazza marked his end by smashing up a hotel room.

And now Becksie has reportedly been weeping in a dressing room, having torn his Achilles tendon whilst casually waiting to kick a football against Chievo. Realistically, this is the end of the road, England-wise - the World Cup, presumably, would have been his swansong.

Jean-Pierre Meerseman, the AC Milan medic, said this:

Alan Shearer - loves apples, hates cartoons

Next time you’re watching Alan Shearer on MOTD, take a moment to close your eyes. Keep them closed. Listen to his voice, hear his deep, lilting, almost expressionless words as he explains that scoring goals is what wins football matches. Or how getting a red card can have a negative impact on a match.

Really concentrate on how he sounds, then try to picture in your mind’s eye “the real Alan Shearer” - not the man on the sofa in the shiny slacks, but the man who is sometimes alone, emotionally raw, stripped down, both metaphorically, and actually. Who is Alan Shearer? That’s what everyone wants to know.

And thanks to today’s Guardian, great strides have been made to determine the man behind the pundit. What was his childhood like? Does he like his veg? Did cartoons ever make him happy? You can find out all of this and more, in a wonderful extract from the interview (after the jump):

Wayne Rooney - couldn’t hair less

In life, it’s all about finding the positive angle in a bad situation - commonly known as the “silver lining”. Hence why fat people call themselves “big boned”.

Another such master of positive reinforcement was the Big Bad Wolf in the *Little Red Riding Hood stories, who managed - quite admirably - to find a positive spin when answering the cheeky little hoodie’s backhanded compliments about the size of his teeth.

And now, you can add Wayne Rooney to that list.

As reported in today’s Daily Mail, the prolific striker has put his marvelous form with his head down to the fact that he’s rapidly losing his hair. He said this: