Striker fails to trim down during summer of excess

It’s obviously a slow news day, as the two big stories in the papers are Rio Ferdinand’s Stamford Bridge steward kicking incident (which happened three months ago) and Wayne Rooney’s expanding waistline. The Sun claim the Manchester Utd striker’s summer of laying stagnant in a pool, emerging only to drink and eat fast food, has had a serious effect on his physique. He looked a bit portly in a friendly against Aberdeen this weekend, but wasn’t he always a little more rotund than is desirable for a professional footballer?

If you want to see a striker who has really been piling it on, check out this guy:

Ronaldo, whose contract with AC Milan ended two weeks ago, is pictured testing the tensile strength of a yacht in Ibiza. It looks like he and pregnant WAG Bia Anthony are really enjoying the local cuisine…

Even the best have problems, you know…

Great footballers, the really good ones, need a vice. It’s kind of like a yin/yang, pleasure/pain thing. Maradona needed great big buckets of finest cocaine to counter his amazing touch, Garrincha - the legendary Brazilian - insisted on drink driving and having tonnes of animalistic sex to take the shine off his brilliance. And now, it turns out that Ronaldo (the real one, not the poser), likes to temper his natural ability with a cheeky cig on a yacht in Spain.

Phil Neville, you might notice, is squeaky clean.

Joining Ronny on his luxury boat were his pregnant lover Maria Beatriz Anthony, and a load of other people just swanning around in dinky little swimming costumes.

Porky striker slays the dragon named dignity in Ibiza

After seeing his Portuguese namesake sport some unecessarily tiny swimwear in Sardinia, Brazilian Ronaldo has decided to up the sexy stakes by showing the world his super-hot skimpy pants.

The AC Milan star - said to have been released by his club following a season-ending knee injury - yesterday sat aboard a yacht in Ibiza displaying a belly that would make Ronaldinho proud. The ‘Kramer’ hairstyle really tops off a look befitting of a megastar whose dating record includes supermodels, TV presenters and various other ladies who wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot ugly stick if he wasn’t famous.

The lady averting her eyes from the sight of his growing paunch is WAG Bia Anthony, who is rumoured to be pregnant. Obviously his stunning physique and unfaltering loyalty have made her forgive him for solicitng transvestite prostitutes.

See the sexiest picture of the summer after the jump…

Can you spot Lampsie? There he is!

Whoever has been spreading nasty rumours about what footballers get up to once the season’s over should go and eat a massive chunk of humble pie, because not all of them sit in their pants demanding cocktails and oral sex. Some of them actually do classy things.

Yesterday, The Spoiler unfairly mocked Michael Owen, just because he thought it appropriate to leave the house dressed like The Great Gatsby, and today, Frank Lampard has been spotted shining his oily legs on a luxury yacht in sundrenched Ibiza - the beautiful island of drugs.

Chelsea owner’s new plaything provides a healthy mix of pleasure and paranoia

Despite paying Shevchenko extortionate amounts to do little else except go out and purchase ill-advised eastern European-style clothing, Roman Abramovich still has a few quid tucked away for other projects. The latest indulgence to drive prices at Stamford Bridge even further into the stratosphere is the M/Y Eclipse, the world’s largest privately owned yacht, currently being built under a cloud of secrecy (the candid spy shot you see above was taken on one of the few occasions the vessel has been in plain view - they only test it at night and behind closed doors).

The £200m massive yacht, being built by Blohm + Voss off the German Baltic island of Ruegen, is 550 feet long, some 200 feet longer than his current biggest vessel, the Pelorus (the combined global crew for his four yachst will total several hundred, and when the new ship launches later in the year, he will have a fleet nearly as large as that of the Irish navy).

Features of the Eclipse include:

* A small hospital staffed by a private medical team
* Bulletproof glass, underwater cameras and a missile detection system