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Roy Keane, typically sympathetic towards the FAI

Sven is going to run out of fingers to put in pies
[Daily Mail]

Once it’s confirmed there’s no chance of a replay, TH14 asks for a replay
[The Sun]

Craig Bellamy could be finished in two years
[Guardian]

Eric Abidal has swine flu, as might Yaya Toure
[Mirror]

Liverpool want Juve starlet Seb Giovinco
[Caught Offside]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

John Terry to Manchester City
We laughed this one off during the January transfer window, but the Daily Mail are today suggesting that the Citizens are lining up a £45m bid for Chelsea’s captain. This is apparently corroborated by The Sun, who have spotted Mark Hughes and John Terry at the same holiday resort in Dubai. Evidently, it is no coincidence that two men associated with football are simultaneously taking a break at Jumeirah Beach, the luxury resort where you can’t take two steps without bumping into a Premiership star.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Even if City do offer a reported £180,000-a-week package, we can’t see it happening.

Yaya Toure to Manchester Utd
The aforementioned Daily Mail also bring the news that Barcelona’s treasured defensive midfielder could soon be joining his older brother Kolo in England. Apparently, Fergie is interested in seeking out

If you’re planning to go to Glasgow tonight, don’t, it would be a silly silly move. Should Rangers win, Celtic supporters go bonkers, should Rangers lose, everyone goes bonkers. And, of course, “bonkers” is street slang for face punchy and eye scratchy. You would be far wiser to read about today’s transfers and say nothing more about it…

Carlos Puyol to Man United
Fergie has long been an admirer of Puyol’s gorgeous long hair and robust playing style - the whisper is that he’s going to throw Gerard Pique in as bait.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s Mr Barcelona, and the Ferdinand/Vidic axis of strength might be impossible to break. Unlikely.

Giovani dos Santos to Chelsea
This guy has been hailed as ‘the new Ronaldinho’, which presumably means he’s a great footballer, not a podgy nighclubber who could eat his breakfast through a fence.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Warm, very warm.

There is no time to rest in football. Ferguson might have been dancing on the tables last night, but he’d have been back at his desk this morning with a muesli bar from a garage to plan how to best inflict pain on others come August.

Today’s transfer rumours read like this:

Dimitar Berbatov to Manchester United
Wow, where did this one come from? Who knew that Berbs wanted to leave? Might it have something to do with his agent demanding that he leave? As things stand United are front-runners, with Ferguson after a mature football mind to spearhead his attack. But there have also been increasingly fervent whispers echoing in from Barcelona insisting that he can go there if he wants to. Sir Alex will have to be at his most charming and flirtatious to bag this puppy. So to speak.

Samuel Eto’o to Inter Milan
More bad news Spurs. Apparently Inter are set to stroll up to the Barca striker and casually ask whether he’d like to join the Italian champions or the eleventh best Premier League side.

Top La Liga boss combines childlike artistic talent with vision of a lunatic

After Barcelona’s 1-1 draw at the weekend against local irritants Espanyol, the daily Sport newspaper came across some very interesting sketches, containing Barcelona manager Frank Rijkaard’s scribblings as to how to win the derby.

One document (pictured) seemed to involve Barcelona defending a corner by herding the entire Espanyol side over to the touchline while Yaya Toure ran in from the corner flag to chase the ball out of his six yard area. “Gudjonshen”, presumably less than delighted to discover his boss only had the most passing familiarity with the correct spelling of his name, would meanwhile run unmarked in a little dotted line across the D.

Disappointingly, this tactical hallucination failed to materialise during the game, although whether it was due to Barcelona’s poor herding technique or Espanyol’s turning a deaf ear to the Catalan translations of “come by” and “good bitch” is not clear. Either way, the dark art of management has acquired a fresh cloak of mystery with the discovery of the “the Rijkaard configuration”. Perhaps those gigantic managerial salaries are no coincidence after all.