Men who play football for a couple of hours a day cheat to avoid grueling schedule
Just before Christmas, John Terry put in a studs-up challenge that saw him dismissed from Goodison Park. The ban meant the Chelsea defender was able to spend Christmas at home with the wifer and kids, instead of preparing for Chelsea’s Boxing Day with West Brom.
At the time, we asked whether JT had seen red on purpose, and our accusation doesn’t look so far fetched in light of the scandal that erupted in yesterday’s News of the World. According to ref Steve Bennett, Premier League players frequently get themselves booked so they can’t take longer holidays and spend Baby Jesus’ B-day at home:
Glancing from side to side, Bennett whispered: “He’s come in the dresser beforehand . . . he came into the dressing room on my mother’s life and said I need one more yellow card. So I gave him a yellow card and, ‘No, no, no, no,’ he says, ‘On the pitch’. It’s up to you.”
[…]
“As a fan, they f*****g rip you off. You don’t know half the things that go on. You don’t know half the things that go on.”
[…]
“All I’m saying is the foreigner players probably do it more because they are never used to playing games over the Christmas period, because all over Europe there is a three- week, four-week gap.”
Premier League bosses have said “We will be asking Bennett for an explanation,” and we hope that this means they will be demanding a list of all the players who have deliberately cheated. Anyone who endangers the careers of others just so they can have some time away from the world’s greatest job needs to be named and shamed.
Marouane Fellaini gets in trouble because he is big, apparently
If The Spoiler were to head out on to Oxford Street and ask 100 people to name the ten most recognisable faces in the Premier League, not a single person would mention Marouane Fellaini. Everton boss Steve Round, however, believes his memorable visage is the reason why he has picked up eight bookings in twelve league games this term:
“He’s disappointed with how many bookings he’s had and has put that down to inexperience. But we’ve also put it down to the fact he’s quite recognisable.
“I think referees need to book him on merit rather than because it’s ‘big’ Fellaini.
It’s very sweet of Round to stick up for Fellaini and his reprehensible hairstyle, but the reason for the Belgian’s constant cautions is quite simple: he commits a shitload of fouls.
Likely Ballon D’or winner makes huge error of judgement
One of the biggest talking points of the Manchester derby was Cristiano Ronaldo’s sending off. In The Spoiler’s opinion, he should have received his marching orders for the unprofessional and petty display of dissent after his first booking, but he stayed on the pitch and “deliberately” handled in the box. There are several hazy theories as to why he did this, none of which make much sense:
He thought he heard a whistle
The Portuguese man-o’-sex left the pitch complaining that he heard a whistle and thought play had stopped. However, the video above records no such high pitched sound, and even Detective Shearer and his ridiculous sound-less slow motion replay on MOTD2 couldn’t reach a conclusion. Besides, there are countless occasions when Ronaldo has played on after the whistle to put the ball in the back of the net.
He was protecting his face
Scrambling for something to say, Sir Alex claimed after the game that Ronaldo was only trying to protect his face. From a cross which he had anticipated and jumped up for. As Mark Hughes rightly said, if he thought it would strike his face why didn’t he just head it?
He was pushed
Sorry Rio, your excuse doesn’t work as there’s nobody near him.
A lapse in concentration/ temporary insanity/ daydreaming about sex etc
This seems the most likely explanation for the incident, but only because there doesn’t seem to be any good reason!
It was a handball, and it was almost certainly intentional, but Ronaldo did not seem to be trying to cheat or gain an advantage. So, did he deserve to walk? Votes and comments below, please…
Spoiler bonus: Check out [0.11] in the video above to see Berbatov expressing his outrage through the medium of dance
Joey Barton may have finally found a league that suits him
It seems that anything goes over in the T- Com Croatian First Football League. In the clip above Hajduk Split player Jurica Buljat defends a set piece by lamping an NK Varteks opponent. The blow is enough to floor him, but on the advice of his assistant, the lenient ref decides it’s only a yellow card offence. And to think that Deco received the same punishment last night for taking a free kick slightly too quickly…
In Saturday’s fiercely-competitive Moscow derby between Spartak and Lokomotiv, a topless fan fancied a piece of the action. Spartak were 2-1 down at the time, and defender Radoslav Kováč decided to take the intruder out of play the only way he knew how.
For his assistance in removing the extra man from the field, Kováč received a yellow card. Frankly, he was lucky: a tackle from behind with no attempt to play the ball should really be a straight red.
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