Spurs transfer target refusing to play for Zenit

Tottenham remain keen on signing Russian manchild Andrei Arshavin, yet they are not so keen on coughing up his club’s £27m asking price. In protest, the 27-year-old refused to help Zenit crash out of the Russian Cup yesterday, and his agent helped paint a picture of the situation without resorting to any stereotypes about Russia’s former political stance:

“Nothing will change because this is the old Soviet Union way. For the Russian sports establishment the desires of the player mean absolutely nothing.

“They are the big bosses. It is a dictatorship. He is a slave.”

To summarise, the club who have stood by Arshavin for his entire career and who have helped make him the player he is today are slave drivers, because quite keen on holding onto a man who is contractually obliged to play for them.

[Football 365]

… according to Wikipedia

[click image to enlarge ridiculously small text]

If I suddenly gained the ability to travel into the future, one of my first acts would be to inform Wikipedia readers of the result of future games. A time/ space continuum-shattering Glasgow Rangers fan has obviously had the same idea, and has kindly saved us the effort of watching tomorrow night’s UEFA Cup Final:

“A battling performance from Zenit St Petersburg proved to not be enough in the UEFA cup Final against a much more superior Glasgow Rangers side on May 14th 2008 when Zenit succumed to a 2-1 defeat at the City Of Manchester Stadium, goals from Jean Claude Darcheville and Barry Ferguson on the 21st and 65th minute proved to be enough for the teddy bears to secure their first European trophy in 36 years.”

If you have faith in the Scottish Nostradamus, have a punt using the best odds available on the interweb here.

Everton’s UEFA Cup opponents in unoriginal emblem design shocker

Some facts about Zenit St Petersburg:

1. They face Everton in the UEFA Cup tonight (bet here)
2. They are formed from the ashes of a club named “Stalinets”
3. The person who designed their club crest watched too many children’s TV shows with dodgy phone competitions.
4. Manager Dick Advocaat has never attempted to build a model of Tracey Island from toilet rolls and paper maiche.

The best sports programming on the telebox this evening

It would be harsh to dismiss a manager upon losing to the undefeated league leaders, but nevertheless this is the kind of hot water Sam ‘I stole Christmas’ Allardyce finds himself in. If seeing the demise of a highly successful man isn’t your cup of tea, Everton are welcoming the Russians to Goodison tonight for some UEFA Cup jollity.

Newcastle Utd/ Arsenal (Sky Sports 1, 7.45pm)
Everton v Zenit St Petersburg (ITV4, 7.45pm)