Meet the Editors
- The Spoiler is not so much a person as a state of mind, and believes that football is most definitely less than a matter of life and death. With its wonky economics, interchangeable heroes and villains, delusional power brokers and the toxic cloud of "marketing" hovering wherever there's profit to be extracted, football is more to be marvelled at for its ability to entertain whether there's a game on or not.
- With his uncanny ability to injure himself at every opportunity, Stretcher Case makes Kieron Dyer look like a Volvo. A follower of Swansea City, Stretcher Case lives in the shadow of his team's ability to provide levels of mental torment that more than match whatever physical ailment he's saddled himself with.
- A man who bears a remarkable resemblance to the infamously undead Transylvanian, Aston Villa-supporting Nosferatu's biggest problem is not with garlic, silver bullets, daylight or crosses, but cheese. He'll not have it in the house.
- A home and away follower of West Ham, Whiteboard also has a tactical eye to rival anything Andy Gray used to be able to generate with his illustrative "Skypad" punditry tool. Whiteboard is also by far the Spoiler's best dancer.
- A contemporary of Iker Casillas in the Real Madrid junior ranks, Valenciano turned his back on the lure of professional football to focus on sports journalism and magazine production. A man of secretive ways, no one knows what he does in his spare time.