Cheryl – coming home
It’s not been a good couple of days for the people of Newcastle. First Geordie Shore goes on television and tars everyone with the moron brush and then Cheryl Cole gets kicked off American X Factor because apparently no-one can understand her.
At least the [...]
Read moreGoodbye, England’s rose…
It’s happened, the moment we’ve all been dreading – Cheryl Cole is leaving us to go to America.
Feel free to make some toilet attendant/accent joke if you want, but they’ve pretty much all been done and none of them are very funny. Not that it’s [...]
Read moreCheryl and Cheryl 
Fulham are hosting Chelsea this evening in a game that all sub-editors around the country are praying ends in a huge win for one of the sides so the ‘St. Valentine’s Day massacre’ headlines can be trotted out.
Anyway, Fulham have beaten Chelsea just once in [...]
Read morePredicted first comment: “No”
Time is a great healer. However, it’s magic is unable to heal things like gunshot wounds or, it appears, that gaping, seeping chasm of a gash that is people’s hatred for Ashley Cole.
Earlier this week he was voted England’s player of the year and [...]
Read moreAshley’s ex upgrades…
Back in the olden days – before modern technology demanded that we all chart one another’s progress through life – a relationship would end, you’d cry yourself to sleep for a few weeks, and then convince yourself that either: a. She will never love again. Or b. She [...]
Read moreHappy New Year!
Happy New Year, one and all. May 2011 be met with a bunch of pointless resolutions that’ll go flying out of the window within a week!
To celebrate, after the jump, you’ll find a rather higgledy-piggledy summation of the year just gone, consisting [...]
Read moreKayla Collins – very open minded
You’re all familiar with the thoughtful saying about people in glass houses not throwing stones. It’s a metaphor which works on two levels – both literally (it’d be a stupid thing to do), and figuratively (it means “don’t slag people off, [...]
Read more(pic now works as a ghostly representation of the Coles’ marriage)
According to Cheryl herself, as told to omnipresent toff twat Piers Morgan, the only line Ashley needed was:
hey hotlips, nice bum
By God, they were a classy pair.
Here’s a bonus blind item from Mirror Football‘s [...]
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