Spoiler

The Spoiler’s ratings out of 10 for England’s Euro 2012 ensemble

Contrary to expectation, the Liverpool bunch weren’t responsible

A wise man once said that it is impossible to quantify a player’s worth with an arbitrary and slightly suffocating mark out of ten. The Spoiler wasn’t listening during that sermon though sadly, so here are our ratings for England’s Euro 2012 target-meeters…

Joe Hart 6 No career-curtailing mistake but nothing memorable either. Proved that [...]

Spain-dodging celebrations feel a tad dangerous for England

Joy at avoiding holders threatens to lead to underestimating Italy

England won’t have to play Spain in the quarter-finals of Euro 2012. Pretty handy, sure, but it’s not like they were confronted with a choice between Spain or Republic of Ireland. Instead, they will face a team who have contested two more European Championship finals than them.

Italy haven’t trailed in this tournament – or [...]

Sub standard will be raised by Andy Carroll against Ukraine

Nine of the goals at Euro 2012 have been scored by substitutes

Every report that The Spoiler, a committed reader and copier of proper journalists’ opinions, has examined about tonight’s England versus Ukraine game has stated that Danny Welbeck will start ahead of Andy Carroll.

So why is it that the AC is more fancied to breeze through the co-hosts’ leaky defence than the less muscular match-winner [...]

Ashley Cole is the only man classy enough to succeed John Terry

Well at least it’ll make it easier for you to scapegoat him come June

If he hadn’t cheated on the apparent greatest living Briton, used hyperbole to show disgust at Arsenal’s stinginess or shot someone with a rifle, would Ashley Cole really be a 20/1 outsider with William Hill to replace John Terry as England captain?

Take all the role model nonsense out of the equation – and why [...]

Gary Neville is going to explain the joys of playing for England to the rugby mob

JOY!

Here’s a fact for you – the female figure sitting on the bench at the end of this Match.com advert is actually a ghost.

Seconds before, a 28 year-old woman with dyed blonde hair and really, really, really great skin threw herself in front of a train because of the shame and embarrassment of [...]

Anyone know who subtle Paul Scholes was talking about?

Reserved former star wades into debate about England failure

The Spoiler has previously challenged the widely-held view that Paul Scholes’ career-long shyness in the media was an indication that he was the ultimate professional, instead arguing that it could be because he has a tendency to talk [...]

Beckham scores from a corner, England lose rare shootout!

Three videos from an unexpectedly lively weekend of football

The lack of major European club football hasn’t halted the entertaining YouTube video output whatsoever, with the likes of David Beckham, Dani Alves and the England women’s football team nobly contributing to the cause.

Given that it was a Beckham-dominated weekend, in which he also [...]

Tricky tests await England still at Women’s World Cup

Video: Ellen White putting England ahead in style against Japan

England’s bid for Women’s World Cup glory was boosted on Tuesday when Ellen White struck with a lob as [...]