GOING NOWHERE

So Newcastle are flogging Cheick Tiote to the highest bidder then…

Will it soon be this man's turn to slag off the owners on Twitter?

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Want to see Cheick Tiote in your club’s colours come January? Well unlucky folks, because Alan Pardew says that it will take something pretty special (are you listening Comolli?) to prise the Ivorian yellow-card magnet away from the Sports Direct Warehouse.

Don’t believe us? Check this out: “To us, he is very, very important and [...]

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Footballers at Glastonbury

Rooney’s mob destroys Glastonbury peace and Barton meets his hero

Where’s the straw trilby, Wayne?

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Glastonbury happened at the weekend and loads of surprising things happened.

God finally had enough of Bono and decided to unleash a biblical downpour on the false idol and all his followers, while the Chemical Brothers either had an amazing laser-man run over their [...]

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If only that bus would hurry up...

Mike Ashley comes up with another way to save some money

Featuring sick retro-Photoshop skillz

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No content with flogging Kevin Nolan and all of Newcastle United’s good players, here’s Mike Ashley in this morning’s Metro saving a whopping £1,300 a year after converting one of those Sinclair C5 things to pedal power.

The security he needs employ so he can [...]

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